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I'm so disappointed in so many things..so many people and the entire situation that is my current. I am not having feelings of anything but pure disappointment. I am sad to my core and just feeling let down in so many ways. I literally have very little faith left in humanity as a whole and the saddest part is that I once did. I feel that I have actually in some fucked up sense, suffered a loss. The loss of trust and faith in people is a devastation to me. I am saddened by it and like a death, I grieve for it and wish iI could just have it back once again. I feel sad that i myself am such a cynic and skeptic of the human race. It is what it is though..you live and you learn and that I understand, but do you ever learn to live? If someone knows the answers on how to feel better when you're so SAD over something, or how to believe in something again once you've LOST faith in it, tell me... Tell me how it is you  get that back?... I have never been so mortified by another person and I just don't WANT to feel that way about a person so deep inside my every thought... I can't be consumed by the grief of their turn out, but it seems that I can sure suffer it. I hope in my heart that someday I will feel something again other than disappointed because, its the saddest emotion I've yet come to know.

vulture

What is it about you that keeps him hanging on? Is it eyes that bat, or clothes of lace, or locks of hair so long?
What do you two have that always makes him stay? Do you laugh at all his jokes, or know just what to say?

Why is it he calls you, in secret on the phone? Is there something that I'm lacking, something that you've known?
You must have something interesting, about you I don't see. There must be something pulling him to you, away from me.
You two meet without me knowing, and live a webs of lies, it never matters if it hurts, or causes me to cry.
Only something magnificent, that you must surely posses, why else would he love you so? Why won't he just confess?
It doesn't matter where you are, close to home or miles far. Youve got him hanging on in such a shameful way, and happily there you plant your claws in hopes to always stay.
You have to know how much it hurts, you have to understand. Woman to woman, tell me please, this can't all be your plan.
When he comes home and smells of lies, and each one about you, do you have a heart that tends to hurt about the things you do?
There has to be a part of you that simply just can feel, the pain you cause each time you take a piece of us and steal.
I ask as a person, to tell since I can't see, what it may be that keeps him there and wishing this on me?
Do you give him something special? Is it a certain way you touch?  can't you give it another man? I love this one too much.
You know this all to well though, you never seemed to care. If he's mine or if I cry or what else you may dare.
You never seemed to think about the times u didn't see, the lies he told of seeing you, and the hurt it caused for me
Just because you're not there to watch all my tears fall, doesn't make them fall with ease or simply not at all.
Each time hurts and each lie chips, away at what I've built. A love I fought so hard for, and you know of no guilt.
I don't know what is is you have, I guess I'll never see, why for you to stay, he risks my heart and tells his lies to me.
So this where I ask of you, pathetic it may be. Please don't call him anymore, or take his time from me.
Please don't come around us, don't use your magic spell, to make him stay with things he loves and tricks you know so well.
Just turn away and walk with pride for once upon this life, in knowing that behind you now could remain his wife.
Your soul is cruel and unusual, and your poison, a potent one. But this I ask of you to hear before your time is done.
As a woman, as a person, I'm asking you to go. leave him be, the man I love, the family that I know.
You have no place here anymore, for time has moved too far. Please go away, he needs you not, just let this love be ours.

None of what you hear...

This is my story, this is my song. Every word backwards, every part wrong.

I wish you could hear it, I wish you could see, wish you would read this, story of me.

Sad and so jumbled, a typical mess. A confusing tale where sense is at rest.

It never begins, its always just there. The pages lack numbers, my conscious lacks care.

Hurt and numb a chapter in one, yet each story separate, each without sun.

A small bit of light, shines through a break, in clouds or in pages, I don't seem to take.

A poet of puzzle, a question in face, to look you'd not know the sadness in place.

So what makes one happy, what makes one spark? Can you illuminate something born in the dark?

A dog hears a whistle, you hear my cry. A paper feels my soul and you didn't try.

A ruled out reading of boredom and woes, to follow the pages,
One reaps what they sew.

A hard pill to swallow, the water so cold. A tepid hope love, the last page may hold.

Let Go of the edit, let go of the hope. Forget all the proofing and read this to cope.

Let each page warm you from fingers to heart, turn pages with tingles and pray not to part.

Judge not and listen to words such a plea, ingest what you're reading, digest part of me.

Of love, of life, of death we all write, a story inside each, to warm bitter night.

A thousand and one attempts at  a life, each page a memory, each word a strife.

Tear out  a small piece and carry it near. Or put down the book and see me right here

eVerY MorNinG thEreS a HalO haNgiNg oN the cOrner oF my GirLfriEnds FouR posT bEd

it seems that's how I feel anyway... I think he thinks that's where I hang my horns....not sure what's going on with us lately and how you determine what is... not sure when somebody seems to be treating you differently how you find out what the root of the problem is...what exactly are you supposed to do when the way your being treated upsets you but then somebody keeps telling you the way they treat you is because you're always upset? is it really that women are upset too much too often or could it possibly be that men are actually upsetting us?all I wanted was a normal Sunday ...last night was anything but. well maybe that's untrue.. I suppose it would be fair to me to say that last night was the normal Sunday.  it seems all we ever do is fight anymore. I wasn't feeling good at work ..don't know if it was a panic attack or just smoked too many cigarettes the night before out of stress but my heart was killing me I felt dizzy ...I came home needless to say and hoped that he would be here. I text messaged and told him I was on my way..he told me hed rush home and stay with me. I did the girl thing.. Insisted he stay at work but he said no he would rather be here with me. Everything went good during the day..we spent time together. we watched TV ..made some plans about some of the ways we want to make extra money.. everything was fine until bed time... He wanted to shut off all the lights before walking up stairs and I asked him to wait just a second while I ran to the bathroom so I could grab my toothbrush, I hate walking around the 4000 square foot house in the dark by myself.. I'm not very superstitious obut something about it frightens me at night time... I know he has a short fuse but all I was asking was " hold on before u run upstairs before me n leave me down here because I need one second"...  That was all it took. "God just get me to bed!" So IRRITATED that I wanted him to wait for me.... Which escalated...  Into 2 am and tears....into little sleep and continuing upon awakening..  needless to say now I'm exhausted my chest is still hurting and I have a fiance who left me for work today while I stood there crying at the door... is it possible that we get so wrapped up in ourselves that we never really do see what we're doing wrong? I try very hard to be a reasonable & compromise but lately I really do feel like its not been me I know he feels the same way.. so is it possible for one of us to have a breakdown? is it possible that someone just say sorry when they're not? and is it possible that "sorry" really FIXES Things? is sorry all it takes in a relationship the entire way from beginning to end.. from "I do" on..is "I'm sorry" the key to making any lasting relationship work?